Monday, February 23, 2009

SAYING "NO" IN THE MIDDLE OF A TANDA



Ok... I admit. I did it too. Call me bad, call me snobbish, call me mean, call me whatever you want and carve my face in your brain and do not forget who I am but for God's sake please read on so that you can understand me better. I said "thanks" to some amount of leaders in the middle of a tanda and they are not necessarily the beginners but also, so called the "advanced" ones. I am so much into people who have willingness and desire to learn and try hard that I don't care if they are beginners or advanced. I do love dancing with them.... because to me a beautiful and connected walk for a whole tanda is heaven and it is much better than being dragged like a rag doll by someone who thinks he knows bunch of steps but has no connection and especially respect whatsoever... Soooo, instead of suffering for three or four songs in the arms of a puppeteer, I simply thank them after the first maybe the second song. Am I bad? Yes, in their eyes I am. And that's fine if they don't forget my face, but I believe that's the right thing to do for me and even for the leader.

When I was searching the net I came across Ney Melo's article called, "The Do's and Don'ts of Inviting and Accepting"... and towards the end of rule number 6, Ney says:

.... I truly believe that when women start using their power of declining dances and sending messages, then that is when the leaders will start working to improve their dance. It has to be a system of checks and balances. If we allow mediocre leaders to dance with amazing followers and vice versa, then why would they want to get better?
I remember an argument that a friend and I had a long time
ago. She was upset because a horrible leader basically manhandled
her for a whole tanda and made her look and feel bad. I witnessed
the whole thing and I didn't like what this leader did, but I also
didn't like that my friend was too nice not to end the carnage
early!! Ladies, please use your power to say "no" to bad dances. It
is better to sit all night, enjoy the music, and have a good
conversation than to be dragged around the milonga floor like Hector was by Achilles after being slain in the movie "Troy".
There were many times in my tango infancy that I was rejected by good followers. I never took it personally. It only served to make me better.

I'm not saying you shouldn't dance with beginners. Everyone should
do a dance or two with beginners at the milonga and look at it
as 'community service' and make them feel welcome. But there is a
difference between a beginner, and a bad dancer who just never 'gets it'. There are a number of guys at any given milonga who have been dancing for a long time, they maul the ladies, and they never have any incentive to get better because they get all the dances they want anyway.

If you want to read his whole article it is at:

www.close-embrace.com/invitingetiquette.html

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Well I agree with Ney, but also want to say that, I believe, a beginner could be an amazing dancer and an advanced one, even if he or she is a teacher, might be like hell.
There are some incredible beginners out there, some even have been dancing for only two or three months, and it is always and always a pleasure to dance with them.