Ok... I admit. I did it too. Call me bad, call me snobbish, call me mean, call me whatever you want and carve my face in your brain and do not forget who I am but for God's sake please read on so that you can understand me better. I said "thanks" to some amount of leaders in the middle of a tanda and they are not necessarily the beginners but also, so called the "advanced" ones. I am so much into people who have willingness and desire to learn and try hard that I don't care if they are beginners or advanced. I do love dancing with them.... because to me a beautiful and connected walk for a whole tanda is heaven and it is much better than being dragged like a rag doll by someone who thinks he knows bunch of steps but has no connection and especially respect whatsoever... Soooo, instead of suffering for three or four songs in the arms of a puppeteer, I simply thank them after the first maybe the second song. Am I bad? Yes, in their eyes I am. And that's fine if they don't forget my face, but I believe that's the right thing to do for me and even for the leader.
When I was searching the net I came across Ney Melo's article called, "The Do's and Don'ts of Inviting and Accepting"... and towards the end of rule number 6, Ney says:
.... I truly believe that when women start using their power of declining dances and sending messages, then that is when the leaders will start working to improve their dance. It has to be a system of checks and balances. If we allow mediocre leaders to dance with amazing followers and vice versa, then why would they want to get better?
I remember an argument that a friend and I had a long time
ago. She was upset because a horrible leader basically manhandled
her for a whole tanda and made her look and feel bad. I witnessed
the whole thing and I didn't like what this leader did, but I also
didn't like that my friend was too nice not to end the carnage
early!! Ladies, please use your power to say "no" to bad dances. It
is better to sit all night, enjoy the music, and have a good
conversation than to be dragged around the milonga floor like Hector was by Achilles after being slain in the movie "Troy".
There were many times in my tango infancy that I was rejected by good followers. I never took it personally. It only served to make me better.
I'm not saying you shouldn't dance with beginners. Everyone should
do a dance or two with beginners at the milonga and look at it
as 'community service' and make them feel welcome. But there is a
difference between a beginner, and a bad dancer who just never 'gets it'. There are a number of guys at any given milonga who have been dancing for a long time, they maul the ladies, and they never have any incentive to get better because they get all the dances they want anyway.
If you want to read his whole article it is at:
www.close-embrace.com/invitingetiquette.html
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Well I agree with Ney, but also want to say that, I believe, a beginner could be an amazing dancer and an advanced one, even if he or she is a teacher, might be like hell.
There are some incredible beginners out there, some even have been dancing for only two or three months, and it is always and always a pleasure to dance with them.
4 comments:
Hey Z,
Totally agree with you. Don't feel bad about cutting it short. I've had tandas with brand spankin' newbies who didn't even know what the line of dance was, hence putting me and the other dancers in danger.... that was a lighting fast "Thank you" after half a song or even mid-song after the second infraction... and then there are those who correct you in the middle of the tanda "why do you step there? Step there instead...".... uh, "Thank you." "After just one song?" "Yeah. I really have to go to the bathroom, RIGHT NOW." (not to mention, don't ever bother asking me to dance with you again, because I WILL say no, that is if you are dense enough not to get that I will FOREVER uncabaceo you).
You see... there is this pecking order in tango... and if you don't know the rules of etiquette, then you automatically relegate yourself to a much lower pecking order... especially among those who are the Emily Post's of milonga codigos.
...like Hector was by Achilles after being slain in the movie Troy.
Wow.
The visual would be more striking if it weren't true. I've seen this happen too much and it scars many followers.
It scars the follower if she's just starting out and makes her cautious about everyone she dances with thereafter.
What kind of place do you think the Milonga would be if everyone was open (and constructive) about each dance(r) they encountered?
All I can say to this is that I couldn't agree more.
www.tangoaddiction.wordpress.com
I've said thank you and walked away from dreadful followers, too, although to be honest I generally just tough it out to the end of the tanda and don't dance with them again. But the same idea applies: why would they improve their following if leaders continue to dance with them?
On the other hand, it's a social dance and every city has a wide range of abilities so we dance with people for a variety of reasons.
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